Why?

Yes as some of you wrote to ask if I was feeling too down to write my blog, it didn't take too much to guess that one. It's tough to let go the boys when I've raised them up since 6 weeks old. Fr. Niccacci has been trying to talk to me over this; but it doesn't take away the pain of knowing someone else is making the decisions far away on something very dear to me.

The weather is reflecting my mood - rain in the mornings and dark, overcast skies throughout the day. Wanted to go out for a walk several times but the weather is not right. Don't want to be caught in the rain. And besides the streets in my area is packed with muslims coming to pray at the Dome of the Rock. Found out it's the feast of the sacrifice of Ishmael (not Isaac as we know it) by Abraham. Muslims make a pilgrimage to Mecca (the Haj) during this time; others come to Jerusalem.

Today to shake off this horrible feeling, I decided to clean out my room. 3 hours in all. Found a catholic website broadcasting Christmas carols on the Internet: listening to it now. Not helping though - it's making me more homesick for the boys.

Yesterday the younger guys set up the crib and christmas tree. Saw the crib - it's in the refectory so you can't miss it. But somehow the manger was covered with a piece of paper. Everyone's asking why. No answers so far. And the tree? Heard it was somewhere in the house but haven't seen it yet. This morning at breakfast the fathers were saying that something is missing in the crib - rex and regis. They told me to put their photos in the crib so the Nativity scene would look complete. Aiya.

Now that Sr. Pieta is gone, Sr. Jeronima has to wash all the dishes by herself. A couple of us decided to stay back after dinner to help her. It's 9pm by the time we finish washing up the stuff. I sleep straight away after that. The nights are much colder now, so my small "hot-air fan" is working overtime.

Today's Gospel reading about the angel telling Joseph to marry Mary got me thinking what if Joseph didn't want to obey? I felt Joseph must have been like me now - not knowing why some things are happening. Scratching the head doesn't help especially if you're bald. Maybe sometimes its better not to know why.