Monday, April 29, 2013

Orthodox Palm Sunday

Super ice cream surprise
The heatwave is continuing. Today was a blistering 32 degrees. I was stuck in the house most of the time correcting papers ... it was tiring. Luckily my friend Firas came to visit so we went out to get some info from the Tourist Center, then for a cool drink and ice-cream. Actually he ate all of it ... I took only 3 teaspoonfuls. Still scared of my allergic reactions. I think Firas put on 2 more kgs!!! Ah Ling from the Chinese restaurant got word that I was hospitalised and called me to go over for chicken porridge to strengthen me up. I was in the neighbourhood so I stopped by. She gave me a bowl of hot porridge and packed 3 other bowls for home. The old "lou ban" - the original owner and cook of the restaurant 50 years ago - cooked the porridge and insisted I eat my meals the next few days at the restaurant so I don't have to cook and wash and they'll cook simple chinese food to strengthen me up. Very nice of them. They've always been taking care of my health since my operation 2 years ago.
Ethiopic christians with
their palms

Yesterday in spite of the heat, the christian orthodox celebrated Palm Sunday. They don't have a single procession down the Mt. of Olives. In fact this procession is not in the orthodox tradition at all. But seeing its popularity among the catholics, many churches have picked this up and individual churches and groups made the procession throughout the day. The streets are packed with Egyptian Copts and Ethiopics on pilgrimage for Holy Week. Noticeably smaller in numbers are the Greeks and Cypriots ... the economic situation has rendered them too poor to make this trip. Russians and Eastern Europeans are also quite numerous but not as much as the arab christians. This week is Holy Week for the orthodox and next week it'll be the Jewish Pentecost. The City is packed with christians. Let's hope the weather will be kind to them. I just want to rest and recover far away from all this noise and chaos.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Tiring Day

An unexpected heatwave blew into Israel yesterday afternoon and remained till today. 33 degrees. A just 3 days back it was 8 degrees and raining. The swing is extreme. It was so hot today, wild fires spread throughout the north.  http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/wildfires-burn-across-north-as-israel-prepares-for-lag-ba-omer-holiday-1.517859

Part of the 5000 vols.
moved to the new library
I'm still recovering from the toxic attack. Breathing and swelling are gone. But I'm suffering from severe diarrhea as a side-effect from the medicine. Terrible. Still I managed to move some 5000 volumes of books into the new part of the library today. Am utterly exhausted especially when I have not eaten anything due to the diarrhea. Work doesn't end in the evenings because I still have to go visit groups that have arrived - to collect things, send things, give talks. Utter utter exhaustion.

I haven't had time for Mr Bird. Left him in the large cage with some canaries for company. He wasn't happy. Squawked alot and made a fuss the whole day. Will have to babysit him till probably end of the year when my friend comes back.

Tomorrow is the christian Orthodox Palm Sunday. The streets are packed with orthodox pilgrims ... mostly from Russia and Egypt. The greeks and cypriots are too bankrupt to come this time. And it'll soon be the Jewish Pentecost as well. Jerusalem is packed with people and noise. Awful. I'm not enjoying this week. I just wish I was far far away in the beach to rest and recover.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Ups and downs

Goodies arrive!!!!
Thanks for all the ginger snaps and biscuits especially from Auntie Yvonne ... they finally arrived. But I have to be careful with the food I eat ... don't want to end up in hospital again. Sincere thanks also to Irene Teoh, Vincent, Glenda and Eva, Yvonne, Paulette, Cecilia Cavero & family, RISE, Patty Fung, Daniel Chan and others for your well wishes and gifts.

I'm still recovering from the allergy. Was back in hospital this morning for a checkup. I'm having a very severe reaction to the medicine.... severe diarrhea, cramps, nausea. Made me very weak. But I still had to work ... preached a retreat in the morning, moved a couple hundred books from one part of the library to another, rushed out  to the City twice for nothing (people tell me to go collect things and then when I reach there they say its not ready), feed the birds, clean the courtyard, went to visit the HK group and collect the goodies, visited a family whose son was  just released from prison .... I can't believe I could do all that while still being so sick. And now I'm feeling more sick. But there's another thousand more books to move ....

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Recovering

Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes and prayers. My eyes and lips are still swollen but the breathing is much improved. Am on prednesone ... the steroid that I usually depend when I have severe asthma but which I hate because after weaning off, my feet and hands swell. Withdrawal symptoms are awful. Anyway the allergy is not totally gone and I still need a couple more days to rid it from my body. Am feeling terribly nauseous all day.

But I was very grateful to my friend who came to help me. He lives across the street. He got the taxi and brought me to the hospital and stayed till I was admitted. Called me later in the night to see if all was ok and this morning wanted to come over to visit me. This evening his family asked me over to their house. His mum was worried and asked how I was. She'll cook me msahan tomorrow which I particularly like ... she really does it well. It's a typical palestinian dish of thick taboun bread in olive oil, onions and sumac (red sour spice) with roasted chicken. Love it. Now I hope I'm not allergic to onions and sumac.

Mr. Bird enjoying
the flowers
Meantime it's not all rest for me. There's still work in the library to do, feed the canaries and Mr. Bird, who got all upset when I left him alone yesterday. Tore his cage apart and littered my room with his food. Mr. Bird is very people-oriented and needs company otherwise he gets very destructive. Now I keep him in the big cage with a couple of male canaries to keep him company ... they steal his food but he doesn't mind. He talks to them in his gibberish arabic and squawks.

Mr. Fish died yesterday. Old age. He was probably 4 years old and for a siamese fighting fish, that's normal.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Near fatal allergy

Cocktail of antihistamines
injected into my veins
Emergency Room. Was rushed there after I developed an allergy to nuts yesterday evening. It was all unexpected. Haven't eaten nuts for a long time, so the day before I bought a small pack to munch while studying. After 5 minutes my eyes were swollen and watery, throat and lips swelled. Tightness in chest, asthma ... couldn't breathe. Nausea. Blacked out and bashed my head against the window. Cut it and was bleeding. Got round but struggling on my feet. This time I thought I was really going. Luckily a friend called and I managed to gasp that I needed to go to hospital. He immediately called a cab up to the front door, he rushed over while another professor helped me down the stairs to the main gate. Rushed off to the nearest hospital which is St Joseph's. The emergency room was already informed and had antihistamines ready. I had a cocktail of 4 antihistamines and steroids, was put on oxygen and stayed in Emergency for over an hour. Then the doc insisted I stay overnight which i refused. The nurses came and said ther is no way I can go home as the allergy had not yet passed. So I stayed overnight. Was on oxygen and had another cocktail of jabs later in the night. By morning my breathing was less laboured but my eyes and lips are still swollen. Insisted on going home against doc's advice. The doc wasn't happy and said it was near fatal and I had to sign a letter saying I'm leaving against doctor's advice. But I had to go down to emergency again to patch up my head, and the doc there also insisted that I should stay back in hospital. I got my way ... to go home that is. Promised them that if I still don't feel well, I'd return to Emergency Room this afternoon. The bloody taxis were demanding alot of money just to get me home a km and a half away ... I refused to pay so I walked home. Dizzy ... but I managed to walk the distance back without incident. Am resting now ... but  still not feeling good ...

Monday, April 22, 2013

Airport to close tomorrow

Ben Gurion Airport will close tomorrow Tuesday due to all out strike by air and land workers. It was sparked by Israel's wanting to sign the Open Skies Pact with Europe, meaning europeans can now work in Israel's airport and airlines. Israeli employees fear this will lead to lower wages and many lay-offs. So far this market was closed to all foreigners. Opening the market would be good for foreigners ... but I don't think Israel is ready for it.

A garden full of enormous and
fragrant roses
The weather is still very cold. It's still hovering around 10 degrees. Everyone is sick. Clinics and hospitals are packed with outpatients. Pharmacies are busy dispensing medicine for cold and influenza. Another canary has died ... an egg-laying Red Factor. But the 3 babies from another nest are doing well. And of course ... it's roses again. This weather is just great for them. I'm hoping to plant some cuttings I took from a garden in Beit Jallah.

School is speeding towards the end of the 2nd semester. Another 7 weeks before exams. Students are getting more stressed. Datelines must be met. The looming gloom that final year students will soon disband and each return to their own countries ... never seeing their classmates again  ... is slowing encroaching into the study atmosphere. Soon this cold Spring and the lovely roses will be a memory.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

More rain

Enormous and fragrant roses from
a Beit Jallah private garden
The weather is still miserable though we know that it's good for farmers and crops ... certainly for roses. I saw some roses in a private garden in Beit Jallah today - incredibly large blossoms, larger than two fists. And the fragrance was so strong the garden seemed to be enveloped by it.

It's been raining the whole night and mostly during the day as well. The sky is constantly dark and the wind is gusty and biting cold. Winter clothes are back out, summer clothes are back in the cupboard. The canaries are well and warm indoors now that 2 babies have died from the cold. I hope the 3 surviving babies will make it, and the other nest will hatch soon.

But the weather did not dampen the first ever Palestine Marathon in Bethlehem. I was at the route and saw the water-stops and police guiding the lanes. Because Bethlehem is encircled by the Security Wall, it is not possible to run the 40 km in one single direction. Instead the route led from Manger Square to El Khader (the next village) and then back again twice over.

Israeli airline crew have gone on strike today. Most flights from Ben Gurion airport were cancelled. For those stuck in the airport in this miserable weather ... I'm sure roses were no consolation and definitely the last thing on their minds.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Baby canaries dead

Yes two of my baby canaries died because it was too cold ... 10 degrees this afternoon. The sun was shining though and I thought it would be warm enough to put the nesting cages out. But the two babies could not survive the very cold winds; and the silly mother canary had made a nest with too little material for warmth and she did not sit over the babies. I guess there's no way to control nature.

Friday today ... not much going on. No tension. Everyone going about their work as usual ... except for the awful cold wind. Most are in hoods and hats. I still have my stuffed nose. Can't breathe at all. And I learn that practically everyone else has this problem. Signora Clara from the pharmacy gave me a nasal spray that unclogs the sinuses and its a big help as now I can go to sleep without breathing through my mouth. Clara is an Argentinian jewess who knows as for many years.

Great cheesecake at
Focaccia
As a treat from the rather miserable and tiring week that I've had, I went out for tea with my good friend Firas. We went to Focaccia and had a very nice cheesecake each. It was a nice quite 1 hour ... before I had to rush home to do more work. But the cheesecake made it worthwhile ... rich and creamy, with strawberry and cream. Not good for my diabetes I know ... but heck, it's been a miserable week so I deserve a sugar high.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Cold rainy day

Row of birds at teh 1st Station
What dreadful weather! Rain every early morning. Very cold at 8 degrees before the sun rises. And even during the day, the skies are terribly overcast and the winds are very strong and cold. People are wearing their winter clothes again. And I saw a very strange sight ... a row of turtledoves and sparrows sitting on a rail at the 1st Station of the Cross. There were many other rails but all the birds around decided to sit on only one .... enjoying the sunshine that warms in spite of the blustery winds.

Cakes and coffee after the barbecue
on the balcony overlooking
the desert
This morning was no different than the past 10 days ... waking up at 3am. This time I had to go see the doctor in far away Ramat Gan. Got an injection shot but the reactions were strong ... had stomach cramps and diarrhea. Felt very sick and weak the whole day. After 10 full days of waking up at 3am and sleeping at midnight, my body is screaming for a break. I am utterly exhausted. If only I can find time to rest. Well to be fair, I did spend 4 hours last afternoon at my friend's new apartment for Independence Day. It's traditional for Israelis to spend the holiday barbecuing so my friend had a sort of house warming barbecue with me and 4 other friends. The view was fantastic ... overseeing the desert and Dead Sea. It was a relaxing 4 hours ... but then it was back home again for work and more work.

And talking about deserts - plans to rebuild King Herod's palace and "tomb" at the Herodion were lambasted by archaeologists and academics. Well firstly it's not proven that the recently excavated site was actually the "Tomb" of King Herod the Great. Secondly no one alive knows what the palace looked like above it's foundations because what has remained for this 1900 years is only the foundations. And in any case, the archaeological site would simply be reduced to a theme park of grossly bad taste. Conservation and preservation is the word ... not innovation and reconstruction.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Independence Day

Yesterday was Independence Day  - Israel was 65 yrs old. The fly-pass over the Presidential Palace was cancelled because of bad weather in Jerusalem. It was very cloudy, strong gusty winds, cold and drizzling. But ground celebrations continued as planned.   http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/nearly-a-million-israelis-celebrate-independence-day-outdoors-despite-blustery-weather.premium-1.515821

Students handing in their
thesis to the Principal
The celebrations in Tel Aviv was alot more successful - both fly-pass and sail-pass went ahead while thousands gathered around the beaches to watch and cheer. I missed that. For the past few years Independence Day was a day off for me ... I'd spend overnight at my community in Jaffa, wake up late and from my window of the room, watch the parade and celebrations. Absolutely fabulous and relaxing. This year I had classes. What a let-down. I was not at all enthusiastic. I had been working overtime for the past week, waking up at 3am and finishing work at 10.30 pm. I'm utterly exhausted. Well ... I just can't have everything I guess. But as a consolation I joined my past students as they handed in their final year thesis before graduation. Four years ago they were freshies whom I taught ... insecure and fearful. Now they're confident, outspoken and intelligent. I was proud. Right now just received news that there were explosions in Eilat ... these students are just on their way there ... hope they're ok.

The massive earthquake in Iran/Pakistan was felt as far as the UAE yesterday; and the Boston Marathon massacre was awful. Signs of the time .... the world is going crazy.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Remembrance Day vigil

State and municipal flags
at Safra Square
By afternoon today, most major roads around the Old City and near govt and Municipal centres have been closed. Remembrance Day celebrations begin this evening and a solemn tone is enveloping the country. Israelis recall the soldiers who have died defending their country. This falls on the day before Independence Day which is on Tuesday. Sirens will sound at 10am tomorrow morning for a minute's silence.

Jewish priest wrapped in plastic
on flight to London
But this nationalistic pride and celebrations is not shared by all. The ultra-orthodox jews still believe in a messianic state and reject the zionist ideals that gave birth to this country. And as if to show how extreme these ultra-orthodox jews have become, Haaretz ran a photo and article showing an ultra-orthodox jewish kohen ("priest") wrapped in a huge plastic bag while flying in a plane to London .... because it might fly over a cemetary and that would contaminate him or render him ritually unclean. Plastic wrapping would prevent him from this.   http://www.haaretz.com/blogs/routine-emergencies/ultra-orthodox-man-wears-full-body-condom-world-media-goes-wild.premium-1.515386   Extreme? Ridiculous? But the ultra-orthodox population is growing in Israeli society and though the secular govt. is trying to stamp out their power and influence, it is unlikely the govt. will win. The ultra-orthodox jews, bizarre as some people may think of them, are still the power mongers in Israel and in the end, they will always call the shots.

With such extremely divergent views, and at times openly hostile, within Israeli society .... I wonder how Independence Day could be unifying moment for the country ... or is it another occasion to disagree again?

Friday, April 12, 2013

Another Friday

Independence Day falls on Tuesday next week. The day before is Remembrance Day. The country is festooned with flags and buntings. The airforce has been practicing fly-pass over Jerusalem for the past few mornings ... awfully noisy. I'm sure like every year the navy will be doing a sail-pass along the coast in Tel Aviv. It would be terribly fun there except I have class on Tuesday and cannot go to Tel Aviv like the past years to watch the parade and relax. Come to think of it, I've not had one day to relax for the past one and a half years. I'm going crazy. Enough is enough. My body is breaking down and my mind is cracking up.

smart observation ...
The weather has done a 180 again ... today was hot though the wind could be quite cold. Here's a novel way to tell the weather .... according to Olive Tree Hotel.

The past few days have just been as crazy as the weather. I've just been running from east to west of the country, north and south of the City, waking at 3am or latest 4am ... working through till 10pm or later. Lucky for me the asthma has been reduced greatly ... thanks to one painful injection. Works wonders this jab ... probably some kind of cortisone or steroidal treatment. This goes together with flixotide and ventolin. Loads of steroids I guess ... I'm expecting swollen feet and arthritis again. That's the downside. But at least I can breathe.

Today Friday passed very quietly. No problems in the City, no blockades, soldiers were significantly less in the streets. But outside the City things were different. Settlers attacked an arab farmer and arab villagers retaliated.   http://www.jpost.com/Diplomacy-and-Politics/Palestinians-clash-with-IDF-after-alleged-beating-309650  My friends Saaed, Ahmed and gang are all going to Ramallah tonight to a party ... but I'm back home writing a report for a meeting. They invited me but those guys will probably come home in the early hours of tomorrow morning ... and I can't do that. I have work to do ... and I still can't find time to rest.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Rain

Rain in April ... it's been a very long time since we had this type of rain. Overcast skies, showers interspersed with drizzle, cold moderate winds. That'll keep people indoors; which is not a bad idea because John Kerry is in town and roads have been closed or temporarily blocked while his motorcade shuttles back and forth from King David's hotel to hold meetings with Israeli and Palestinian govts. Quite a bother for locals.

Enormous head of rose
at Ratisbonne
The rain is also good for the plants of course. Any walk down a park or garden will prove that. There're huge roses blossoming in the Ratisbonne garden. Impressive.  And another good thing about the large amount of rain we've been getting this year is, several "extinct" plants have resurfaced and re-discovered. http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/israeli-ecologists-spot-plant-thought-to-be-extinct-for-50-years.premium-1.514633

The bird/swine flu is quietly causing a panic though the govt refuses to officially declare preventive measures. Tamiflu is limited to 5 packs for each order by a phamarcy. I needed to get alot for the sisters of Mother Teresa in Gaza as they're all falling ill. And it's pretty expensive - 135 shekels for a box of 10 pills. Imagine having to buy over 10 boxes. Too bad the locals here are not educated to close their mouths when they cough or sneeze. It's awful. Well the weather is not helping in this case.


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Holocaust Day

Holocaust Day is for the most part a sombre day recalling the 6 million jews killed by the nazis. There was a moment's silence when sirens wailed throughout the country in the morning yesterday. Such a genocide should never have happened if the world had a conscience - not this jewish genocide, nor the armenian genocide, nor the Nanking massacre nor any other senseless killing be it one life or many. If would not have happened if people were not greedy for wealth, nor vindictive and revengeful.

Sheep, shepherd and
goats
But not everyone in Israel was sombre. Ultra-orthodox jews were celebrating with parties and barbecues .... drawing ire and criticism from the rest of the population. They believe those who were killed were punished by God for their sins. Well I'm not going to judge anyone about that .... but it does leave a queasy unease when people rejoice over the death of anyone. http://www.jpost.com/Jewish-World/Jewish-News/Haredi-barbecue-on-Holocaust-day-sparks-uproar-309096

The weather has been absolutely crazy. Very hot the past several days, then a sandstorm yesterday while temperatures began to fall. Last night it was back to 8 degrees again and this morning the overcast skies mark a cold day for the country ... if not rain. Yesterday I managed to catch a lovely photo of a shepherd herding sheep and goats in the Jericho wilderness. Was on my way to see the doc. Have not been feeling well these few days.

By the way, some ten thousand muslims returned to Israel yesterday from their Haj in Mecca. The Allenby Crossing between Jordan and Israel was jammed pack and some people had to wait 10 hours before crossing back into Israel. I think the sheep and goats are alot luckier ... they move everywhere without passports and immigration checkpoints.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Divine Mercy Sunday

Por Por's chicken porridge
There's still tension in the streets today but not like the past few days. It's a lot quieter and people go on with their daily work. Soldiers are still everywhere but people just want to get on with life. And that's good ... because it shows that people do not want war - not the israelis, not the palestinians.

This evening begins Holocaust Day. Thats when we remember the 6 million jews killed by the Nazis during the 2nd World War. It's a sombre day and shops close as a sign of respect. Nicely coincides with our Divine Mercy Sunday. God's mercy is always infinite .... now if only humanity could imitate just a part of it.

Por Por's dumplings
I had a nice afternoon out with my friend Firas. The weather was hot so we had an ice cream. Walked around Mamilla Mall and Ben Yehuda Mall. The sisters of Mother Teresa cooked chicken curry for me. Firas' mum made warraq dawali (vine leaves wrapped with rice and minced lamb) ... I've been eating too much this week. Yesterday Por Por from the Mandarin Restaurant came back from Hong Kong after 6 months away. First thing she did was cook chicken porridge and dumplings. Then she insisted I went over to eat as she hadn't fed me for half a year. Smells like a conspiracy to fatten me up. God have mercy!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Another Friday ...

Friday ... the City is tense. Roads and City Gates are closed. Muslim men below 45 not allowed to enter the City. The streets are deadly quiet. No tourist groups in sight. There is a strong and cold wind blowing, and it's also raining. Miserable day. All this because of the recent deaths of Palestinians. Yesterday Israeli soldiers shot 2 arab youths, killing them, for throwing molotov cocktails. Today everyone is expecting an outburst of violence worse than Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday night. But then again in this cold and rain, maybe no one will come out.

The perfect perch 
Yesterday was very tiring as I had went to see my doc early in the morning. Appointment at 6.30am some 65 kms away. Before the doc could start the exam, he received a call that his brother just passed away by suicide. Shocking. He was totally broken. No exam. I stayed with him, and then brought him to the Police Station to identify the body. Poor chap. He was a very young guy.

Got home exhausted. Lots of other work to do. But some funny moments too. Sr Vincenta wanted a photo with Mr. Bird. Her funny veil made a perfect platform for Mr. Bird to walk about. But he preferred to stay on the lemon tree eating his piece of apple. Mr. Bird can be quite stubborn.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Riots

Arab shops all closed
in protest
Rioting yesterday in East Jerusalem and the Territories. A palestinian prisoner had died of cancer and the Palestinians are accusing Israel of not providing medical care. Israel on the other hand had wanted to release him on learning of his terminal cancer but the bureaucracy held up the process. The demonstrations at Damascus Gate was bad. We could hear the shoutings even from our home. Israeli soldiers fired stun grenades, ambulances were racing not only in the main streets outside the City but even inside the Old City along the Way of the Cross.

Today all arab shops remained closed on strike. It was like back in the Intifada days. I wonder how long this standoff will hold.

Bruised and swollen
Yesterday was a terribly frustrating day I had to stop everything and supervise the workers. Frustrating because they refused to do what I wanted. Result I had to do everything on my own while the 5 arabs stood by watching, drinking coffee and smoking. Now my hands are all bruised and swollen. Sometimes I think that with this type of attitude, they really need Israeli hardhandedness to wake them up. How in the world can they run their own country when they can't even do a job as told? I was wishing the riot police out at Damascus Gate could make a detour to my place .......

Monday, April 1, 2013

Easter Monday

Remains of byzantine
church in
Emmaus - Nicopolis
Traditionally Easter Monday is when everyone goes to Emmaus to celebrate the breaking of bread and the 2 disciples' recognition of the Risen Christ. Only problem is: which Emmaus? There was a pilgrimage to Emmaus Qubeibeh where the Custos celebrated Mass for hundreds of people, ending with the blessing of bread. Near Latrun is another Emmaus, so-called Nicopolis from it's byzantine name where another liturgy took place. Then there're 2 other Emmaus along the same road. I guess identifying the real Emmaus is more difficult than identifying the Risen Lord.

What a dreadful sandstorm today. Reports say it is the worst sandstorm in 4 years. Visibility was terribly limited and there's sand everywhere. http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/worst-sandstorm-in-four-years-engulfs-israel-as-heavy-air-pollution-recorded-across-country-1.512883  People are warned not to go out and do strenuous work. And poor asthmatics like me must remain indoors. My asthma is really bad. But the new medicine is providing quite a relieve. Plus the exhaustion of the Easter celebrations, I managed to sleep a little longer than usual. Got up at 6.30am. That's a record .... since I usually get up at 4am.

As today's the last day of Pesach, all shops in the Israeli side of the city is closed. I had to go to East Jerusalem to buy some necessities. Got caught in the middle of battle: some suppliers were demanding money from a hardware shop that owed them money. Some 50 people gathered in front of the shop, taking sides. Then tempers flared and fights broke out. I tried to get out of the way by staying inside a shop. The fight spilt out into the streets. Strangely the police station is just 50 metres away but no Israeli police showed up. It's in such kind of situations that the Resurrection of Christ become significant. Otherwise life is hopeless and people merely pawns to circumstances.