End of year

Thanks to Auntie Chan & Fiona and everyone else for your kind gifts. I'm sick ill for the past days ... due to stress and the bug that's striking everyone in the country due to the crazy weather. Fever and chills alternating. Am taking medication but makes me very drowsy. And a terrible headache.

Only to note that more catholics were killed in Iraq yesterday. It's time christians around the world show their concern by writing to their foreign ministries to protest this persecution and show that christians around the world still care, still follow the situation with concern and still have the power to protect their own.

The old year passes ... annus horribilis. I'll be glad never to see it again.

Yesterday

Yesterday's funeral was packed. Patriarch, bishops, priests; catholics, orientals and orthodox, all came. The Custos gave the homily. Said everyone is asking why ... but that is not what we should be asking. We should just believe that Jesus is the Resurrection and Life. Everything else is a mystery. When God visits us, strange things happen. The sisters were going to Bethlehem to celebrate the coming of God, but God met them halfway and brought them to the heavenly Jerusalem. Instead of celebrating the birth of Christ, they celebrated their own birth to eternal life. In such a tragedy, there is no place for philosophy or theology, just simple blind faith.

Ambassadors of Malta, Italy and Jordan said about the same thing, as did the Patriarch, bishops and representatives. But no one could keep a dry eye when Rania's mother called out for Rania to come back. Even those who did not understand arabic could understand a mother's anguish.

When the cortege moved out of the church to the cemetery on Mt. Zion, it started to drizzle. The sky darkened. Nothing was ever sadder.

Requiem eternam donat eis Domine

Funeral of Srs. Valeria, Salvatorina and Rania today. Rania's parents were distraught, She was 34 yrs old. I stayed behind the crowded church. Cried throughout the Mass.

Stop all the clocks ....

Am still in a state of mental-emotional limbo. Hardly focussing on anything. Have been having bad nights of sleep, biting my tongue and lips, grinding my teeth. Woke up with blood all over my mouth.

But during the day,  I must work. I have my responsibility to bear and obligations to fulfill. It is difficult going to work with a smile and having to joke and pretend everything is ok when it is not.

Rania is dead. Salvatorina is dead. Fr. Lino is dead. I never want to remember 2010.

Devastated

I've been crying the whole day and night yesterday. I cannot believe Rania is dead, nor Salvatorina. I'm devastated. I'm just torn apart. I'm still in a daze.

And as we creep to Boxing Day, more attacks on Christians on Christmas day - bombing in Philippines church http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/1101120/1/.html and bombing in Nigerian Churches http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_world/view/1101168/1/.html 

The Pope is calling for an end to anti-Christian persecution. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_world/view/1101171/1/.html

struggling through

As I struggle to accept the death of Sr. Rania, I turned to Fr Vincenzo in Musky for help. He gave me some very beautiful insights on friendship and death which help me pull through this painful period:

Gli spagnoli a  Natale dicono felice Pascua de Navidad. A Natale la salvezza inizia, si conclude a Pasqua dopo la morte e resurresione di Gesù - È il nostro destino o per il credente il nostro cammino.

Ricordo un film che ho visto da ragazzo "il maestro" - Aveva per amico un bambino con  cui scambiava molte confidenze - Un giorno entrando in una chiesa si accorse che nella cappella dedicata a Gesù bambino c'era una statua che aveva la stessa fisionomia del bambino suo amico.

Un amico si sceglie perché ci sono dei lati positivi. Insieme si vedono i lati buoni delle cose e anche i lati negativi che si cerca di migliorare, Un amico è molto di più.

Non è facile scoprire il giorno del Signore e riconoscerne la visita. - Se piuttosto che impossessarti del bene - ti lasci impossessare dal Bene - Dio è nato in te.

My best friend is dead

Sister Rania is dead. She was my best friend. She died on Christmas eve together with her superior and Sr. Salvatorina who knew me since I was a student 20 yrs ago. They were on their way from the Sea of Galilee (Convent of the Mt. of Beatitudes) to Bethlehem for the Midnight Mass but their car skidded and smashed into a pylon. http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/three-italian-nuns-killed-two-injured-in-car-accident-in-beit-she-an-1.332777 Sister Hiam, my other best friend survived but I don't know how serious her injuries are.

I was with Rania just that day before. We were laughing and chatting, giving high-fives and sharing our woes and problems. We talked and talked. We ate timsum and she liked it very much. And I said I'll die before her. But she said she'll go first and prepare a place for me. She was my best friend. She promised to meet me in Bethlehem for Christmas. She never made it. Her whole community was with me as we prayed vespers and adored the Blessed Sacrament. Then the next day all 3 sisters of the community died.

My poor poor Rania. Why? I should have gone first ... why must you always have the last word? My poor Rania ... and Sr. Salvatorina. I have no words .... she was my best friend.